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Baltimore, Maryland, United States

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

whoop dee doo

I'm so tired of all of the family shit that's going on around me now. I love my parents very much and am very grateful for everything they've done for me, but I can't be around the constant negativity and bitterness that swarms around the family. If I do, I am destined to repeat history and become exactly what I don't want to be - a bitter lonely person who can't seem to find anything good to say about anything.

I don't need the guilt trips or the psycho babble. I shouldn't feel like I have to suit up in armor when I visit my parents to shield myself from the underhanded, unnecessary digs that are thrown out about the other side of the family. I know that shit rolls down hill and this stuff has been passed on, generation to generation, but I refuse to be part of it. It sucks because it cuts me off from things and people I truly care about but if I stay around and bite my tongue I am only doing what's been done in the past.

I have no idea what went on before today but for some reason, I'm being punished for something I have no control over. I have not witnessed any of the despicable, horrible things that have supposedly happened to make the family this way... Leave me out of it. I just want to be able to RELAX and ENJOY the rare time I have with family. Not dread it! Everyone else does this... Why can't you? Why do you have to dwell on stuff that probably doesn't even matter anymore?

I am only concentrating on the future and even though the other side is far from perfect, they don't put me in a position where I feel like I have to be on the defensive.

I'm disgusted by the holier-than-thou attitude coming from people. Maybe if you took a step down from your throne, you'd see that you've made yourself completely unapproachable... If it's not your way, it's the wrong way. People can hear your rude comments and see your eyes rolling. You're not fooling anyone.

I'm so fed up with people telling me how I should feel without trying to get a glimpse of my point of view. This isn't how family should make you feel and the so-called "bad guys" come out looking pretty good with all of the shit you've put on me.